Finally I find myself back in Wales. After many weeks of recording, camping, families and the gospel, I am home for a week to rest.
It is completely what I need, although I don't know how to handle it. How do I holiday? Yesterday I finished a book I had been reading for forever, and watched Australia for the first time. I enjoyed it. Today I have played piano and eaten a lot of food. Is this resting?
Being home has many challenges, I am discovering them daily. For one, our culture is consumed by materialism. It's so easy to go out and spend all the money I have on things I don't need... and so tempting to spend all day on Facebook. Two years without internet - what a joy to be able to be connected to people on the inter-world again! Such a temptation when I have loads of free time to spend a lot of it in the mirror. So easy to spend all day in bed and refrain from doing anything productive. These are just some of the things that war against the good habits I have formerly been disciplining myself to live in. Things where I see my own desires for my behaviour needing to become more like Jesus' desires for my behaviour, and needing to watch them be changed as I continuously prefer His way above my humanity.
Deeper than that lies my own desire as a human to spend this time being mediocre in my relationship with the Lord.
It's so easy to make following Jesus hard! To add a burden, to make choosing Him a mission for myself so that I have an excuse NOT to choose Him.
I am striving to esteem Him first in my heart, in my mind, daily. Even though physically & emotionally I am exhausted Jesus continues to remind me of the Lightness of His burden... of the freedom and liberation of yoking myself to Him.
That joining with Him produces delight and joy and liberation in my every step. If I am experiencing a heavy, muggy and unclear relationship with the Lord it MUST be that I am making His gift of Himself more difficult than it is. Difficult when it is not.
What a simple, liberating, beautiful Marvel: The King Loves Me.
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